2003-02-24 - 10:34 p.m.

And maybe you don't need me anymore. Maybe you never did. Do you remember when what you did mattered? The time before all this. When this was all you wished for. Now look at it all. Things have changed and nothing really got better. We look back to those old days for the forgotten glories held there. Where are the new glories? When did we all stop doing? We used to be action now we are all talk. It's just coffee and cigarettes, jobs and bills, sleep and loneliness. I remember the plans I made and I remember watching them all fall apart. Now where do I go? Should I start over or stay where I am? I've realized that the possessions I once craved will not make me happy. I don't need the super paying job or the big fancy title. All I need is enough to live on for the rest of my days. So why try to fight the rush of fools who will die trying to get to the top? That kind of ambition only brings tears and pain. Shredding your humanity to become a corporate killing machine. It doesn't really matter at all. You will still die in the end. Does anyone really know who you are? Has your mask become so much a part of you that you even fool yourself now? You don't see me. Not the real me. Just what I chose to show you. How do you know that I am not a creature of lies? I am. I lie to you all and to myself all the time, and I do believe my own lies now. They are all I have left to comfort me. The little bit that makes me feel like I relate to people. I don't relate to people at all. People wouldn't like me if they saw how I really feel. I never really expose much to anyone. Even when it seems that I am, usually it is in a manipulative way. I have so many friends that haven't known me very long, and think that they have a grasp over what I'm all about. Man, are they wrong. I juggle hatred like some people juggle their dating lives. I am nice to cover up how I really feel inside. Someday I'll reach the point where I stop caring about the consequences. Lash out at this entry as you wish, I doubt I'll care much.

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The past is gone - Next song. Next song. Next!

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