2005-01-16 - 2:29 p.m.

The Big Blue is back with the internet, bitches. I really REALLY hate my life. Nothing new there. I constantly build my hopes up about one thing or another just to have it all come crashing down. It isn't fun anymore. As soon as I can, I'm going to change my insurance at work and start going to see someone. I'm taking Ozzie's advice and getting help for my fucked up brain. Maybe some good will come of it and maybe not. Maybe some nice drugs will be good too. I just don't know what I'm going to do about stuff until then. Having a 12 hour job where I have no one to talk to doesn't help. I have an hour of human contact on break and the odd chat here and there but mostly I just think. Thinking is bad. Whoever told me otherwise was wrong. I can't even eat today. It's only the second time in my life that I have lost my appetite. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck everything. I think what happened is lack of space. I ran out of room to shove everything down into. RRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAwwwrrr.

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The past is gone - Next song. Next song. Next!

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