2002-10-24 - 2:34 a.m.

Fuck it, I'm back. The ladies were really nice to me tonight. The ones I gave a dollar to were very kind, and the others told me about how great of a FRIEND I am. That's what I wanted to hear while they were grinding with some guys they had just met. I wanted to hear it so much I dug holes into the back of my hand with my fingernails to not kill anyone. Pain helps you focus after all. It helped me not freak out. Everyone tells me that there is someone out there for me. Where? While I was cutting myself the girls asked me if everything was okay. Of course I lied. Everything is fine, just fucking fine.

"We just cut up our girlfriend with a chainsaw. Does that sound fine?"-Ash Evil Dead 2

I am shaking still. I can't calm down. I am listening to my music that usually helps and it isn't working. Nothing is going to help, I need to hit something. The wall of the bathroom at Tony's worked while there, but now I don't have anything. I might have to leave, but I don't want to drive drunk. I am going to bed and hopefully I won't be depressed or angry in the morning. Fat chance. Goodbye.

�

The past is gone - Next song. Next song. Next!

�