2002-08-17 - 11:08 p.m.

Thanks for the props bro. I really needed it after today.

I go to a house. It is a large house, ten bedrooms, indoor pool, the whole shebang. People ask me the usual bullshit questions, how's work, are you going back to school, what happened between you and Jolene. I basically lie and manuever my way through that crap. My mom's side of the family really likes Jolene and I'm not going to destroy what fragile, little reality I have for folks I hardly know. So the day begins thusly, I enter a conversation, the talking lasts five minutes before subject change, within new subject I have no place. By, "No place," I mean that it's a "remember when" discussion. I wasn't there. I will never be there. I don't know my own family. Home has always equalled nowhere. So I'd be sitting there without anyone to talk with. I'd move to a new area. Same thing happens over and over and over. I end up in the giant dining room full of people. There are conversations going on all around me, but no one knows me or wants to include me. I can't take the noise anymore so I go outside. My uncle is starting up the jet boat. He takes off with a load of people. I can hear this from a trail in the woods even though I can't see it. I hear a rustling coming towards me, and out of the woods pops Max. Max is my uncle's dog. Every time my uncle took out a new load the dog would come find me. No matter where I went the dog would track me down. No one else even noticed that I had been gone. The most love I felt all day in a room full of family came from a FUCKING DOG. How would that make you feel? I certainly cried a bit. This may have been a round-about way to my point, but I don't care. I've had a bad day so fuck off. I am coming back tomorrow sometime around 6pm. I expect some good times. Someone had better deliver.

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The past is gone - Next song. Next song. Next!

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