2002-11-20 - 3:31 a.m.

Have you ever felt a way you just can't express with words? Something even more passionate than a action descriptor type phrase (Ex:Bash you in the face pissed). I feel that way a lot now. Just feel things that aren't describable. Who knows? I am changing subjects, fun action descriptors.

Beat your head against a wall hurt.

Kick your mom in the face excited.

Fall out of a tree happy.

Wet your pillow sad.

Kill a kitten angry.

Wail on guitar victorious.

Hug concerned.

Fuck a chicken horny.

Piss your pants laugh.

Cheese grater itchy.

Comfy chair content.

Strangle a midgit stressed.

This has lost its temporary fun for now. Feel free to add some. I have two days off and I am going to give em my best shot. I will have fun. Even if I have to kill someone to do it, I will have fun. Even if I have to extreme scooter off of a bridge, I will have fun. I will eat a taco. I don't care if it is an inconvenience, I will go out of my way to have a damn taco. I will listen to Big Pimpin'. I am doing that right now. What an idiotic song. Hi I'm a rapper. I spend g's to impress girls. I don't care about them. They are all bitches and ho's. I will never give my heart to a bitch. I just fuck em. Man is that fulfilling. I have a cool car and lots of friends who like me for my money. When I stop being popular everyone will forget about me because I never said anything worth remembering. Four pop up windows just interupted that last sentence and really pissed me off. I only downloaded the song because of realultimatepower.com. That site rulz. With a z. And how. Better song now. Pearl Jam-Garden. I will make a long entry even if I have to ramble on endlessly. This has been a horrible week at work. They changed how we work for Christmas. The new way is inefficient. It causes a huge backup of work for everyone. They want the store to look prettier over the holidays though, so fuck us. For some reason I am the only person who has the balls to tell management that it was a fucking stupid idea during the meeting. They of course proceeded to take it out on me for the rest of the day. I get treated like I am in charge of our crew. If something isn't done it is my fault. I am not a manager, I don't get paid to be a manager. I don't allocate responsibilities to my co-workers. What else, hmmmm? Alicia spontaneously stopped talking to me. No one has been able to figure out why. I have my spies on top of it. Some think it may be that her "boyfriend" doesn't like me. GGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! STAB STAB STAB STAB STAB STAB STAB STAB CRUSH KILL BREAK SLICE RIP TWIST REND BASH. Fuck. That should be a slight glimpse at how I feel about that. The other theories as to the silence are an information leak. Here is what I have to say to that. If this is a dland person's fault I will be forced to beat you mercilessly with a blunt instrument. What I say here is for the people who read diaries. I would appreciate it if that information not leave the area. If you tell idiots things at work, they will undoubtedly turn against me. They don't need any more reasons to talk shit about me. I am sorry about the freak out. You still my boys. As I said that was just a theory. More shitty week, I hurt my knee. It fucking hurts. I just need a hug sometimes. Hugs from guys just don't cut it. I need hugs from girls who smell pretty. Hugs in the past two weeks=2. One from someone totally unexpected. Not quite the same as before. In the words of Stan, "I ain't got shit else." Boy do I wish I did. In the words of Brian, "Pray your life was just a dream, the cut that never heals". I suppose the alternatives are easy to enact. If I went through with them I just wouldn't be me. "When all of your wishes are granted, many of your dreams will be destroyed." When we were at Perkin's tonight we kinda talked about that shit. It goes along with the Big Pimpin thing too. We talked about car guys and how they love their ride more than they would ever love a woman. What kink of bullshit is that? Objects don't reciprocate. You can always love money but money will never love you. I should go live in a cave somewhere. Or on top of a mountain. People could come to me for advice and I could tell them to go fuck themselves. I think this entry is officially long enough. Officially. Good night all, may the laundry demons spare you from itchy clothes.

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The past is gone - Next song. Next song. Next!

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